Dear Guy Who Talked To Me At Take Back The Night,
You may remember me as the woman in the white blouse, whom you spoke with during the march portion of the University of Alabama’s Take Back The Night event. You told me a lot of things that night, but one anecdote stuck out to me as particularly…problematic. I tried to address it as best as I could at the time, but you didn’t seem too interested in listening to what I had to say, preferring instead to continue speaking to someone else saying the exact same things you had just said to me. So I’ll address this further here.
At first, you told me that you were new to feminism and were a bit uncomfortable with the open discussion of sexual assault at the rally. This is understandable, as everyone’s got to start somewhere, and the organizers and speakers at the event did point out that yes, this topic is uncomfortable-but protest should make people uncomfortable. You then told me that your ex-girlfriend broke up with you because you said some sexist things to her, and that you were at Take Back The Night for “redemption.”
Kid, this is the first thing you should learn about feminism: it is not here for you to “redeem” yourself in the eyes of your ex-girlfriend. Males don’t get to become feminists to have an in with women. You don’t get brownie points for showing up at a rally against sexual assault and rape. Thousands of feminists have said it before me, and have said it better than me: you don’t get a reward for showing basic human decency.
Furthermore, the fact that you’re using feminism as a way to get back with your ex-girlfriend, or whatever it seems your end game is, is revolting. It shows that you don’t actually care about the cause at all. You’re not supporting sexual assault survivors when you use a call to their aid for your own personal gain.
I can be patient with you to a certain extent, since you did say you’re new to feminism. But if you’re not going to listen to people who’ve been around the movement longer than you-particularly women, the very people who created the movement-then you’re doing something very wrong. You say you’ve been around Black Lives Matter protests (and that you “yelled really loud” there, though I’m not actually sure what you’re trying to say about Take Back The Night with that comment), and if you have, you should have learned to listen to the marginalized group in question.
I’m going to direct you towards Marina Watanabe, aka MarinaShutUp, a kickass feminist youtuber who talks all about feminism and other social justice issues in her video series Feminist Fridays. Here’s her Feminism 101 video as a starting spot.
I beg you to think about why you’re talking about feminism the next time you decide to bring it up/participate in an event/write a youtube comment/etc. If your motivation is not solely towards advancing women’s rights, then take a step back and think about why that is, and what you can do to refocus on the issue itself, rather than what you can get out of it.
Sincerely,
Liz
P.S. For the readers unfamiliar with Take Back The Night-it’s an event aimed at ending sexual violence. You can find out more at takebackthenight.org
Thoughts and Flowers 